One Year Since I Moved

Since moving to North Carolina from Tucson, Arizona, my home of fifteen years, it was time to practice what I preach. Mixed emotions plagued me for the first 6 months. I felt sad, lonely and grieved the loss of a balanced life I loved, and worked hard to establish and maintain. I also felt excited and hopeful for the new opportunities for myself and my family. Around the 9 month mark after moving, I came to grips with the reality that I was feeling rather impatient. Generating a balanced life I loved living was going to be a significantly longer process than I expected. 


Much of my work is helping clients achieve their own sense of balance, fulfillment and life satisfaction. Typically, this means aligning their actions and priorities with that which matters most to them. Often just 16 sessions helps clients achieve this, over the course of three to nine months. I did not get myself there in this timeframe. Expectations lead to disappointments. 

Back to basics in order to work towards recreating a life I love. What are my values, and what matters most to me in my heart? Since this is not my first go-round, I do know my values and how to listen deeply. I am also confident that I WILL achieve the life I desire. Yet, like many clients, I too have my resistance, blocks, distractions and barriers to address in order to move myself from feeling stuck into action. Aligning my actions with these values and priorities is taking longer than I expected. I decided to practice what I preach and sought out the guidance of a life-coach, and trusted colleague. She is coaching me through the necessary stages of change to guide me into action towards my goals.

The below change model helps people understand that there are stages to change. These are often easier to see in others rather than in ourselves. Many times, clients struggle to listen deeply to what they know in their heart is true. There are several forms of distraction; but one of the most common ones are the well wishes for them from others. Other’s wishes are often well intentioned but may be misguided based on their own set of experiences, values and priorities rather than yours. Until a person is ready to change, change will not likely occur. Occasionally outside circumstances forces change upon us, and this can be quite disruptive to a peoples sense of balance, happiness and quality of life. 

The Transtheoretical Model of Change by James Prochaska: 

Pre-contemplative stage, where there’s no sign of a person taking action anytime soon. Typically they see nothing wrong, and are comfortable with life as it is, or they’re not comfortable but in denial that anything could be different. 
Contemplation where a person begins to think about changing in the foreseeable future. 
Preparation (determination) where someone is ready to start taking action in small, manageable steps towards change, in the very near future. This is what I would call the mobilization stage. This stage, or any of the subsequent stages, would be good time to start working with a life coach or an executive coach. 
Action is when a person has addressed some non-working behavior patterns by substituting them for new, healthier or more supportive behavior choices. This phase takes course over time and multiple action steps occur along the way. 
Maintenance is where a person sustains their positive changes for six months or more and have developed strategies to prevent the old ways from returning. Many people stay in this as their final phase. Some people battle reoccurring old patterns and re-implementing their new choices versus other people who have truly lost all the pull to return to their old non-working patterns. Often this means the new behaviors are rewarding and self-fulfilling enough that they’re worth the effort put forth.
Termination phase when the old non-working behaviors have been completely and successfully eliminated. There is no threat of the old, non-working behaviors returning. The change is fully solidified. 

Where am I in James Prochaska Transtheoretical Model of Change? I am in the preparation phase of change. The steps I’m taking are quite small and preparing me for genuine change down the road. Along my journey towards recreating a balanced life, I love living, aligned with my values and what matters most to me in my heart. This journey will continue to present some challenges, discomfort and growth opportunities. For example, I’m more keenly aware how my impatience with myself and wanting a balanced life I love, now, generates my own dissatisfaction in life. When I ignite this non-working behavior pattern, and allow it to take hold, I generate frustration.  Once I have filled my body with frustration and impatience, I move into non-working controlling behaviors towards my loved ones, resulting in relationship challenges. Once I have generated relationship challenges, I have created further frustration, which I allow to further fill me.  As I generate disconnection, frustration and long to feel loved, connected, balanced, whole, happy and flowing freely along the journey of life, clearly I am completely misaligned with my values and that which matters most to me in my heart. 

Do I have the power to change this non-working pattern? Completely!
What’s the key to realignment? How do I address my impatience? When I find acceptance of people, places and situations that may not go according to my desired outcomes, I can be more present with what is in front of me and generate possibility thinking instead of remaining close-minded and stuck in expectations. When I become more mindful and practice being present to each moment,  free from expectations, excuses or justifications, I free myself to flow towards balance and achieve my goals. 

Acceptance, mindfulness and practicing patience with myself and others holds the key to my happiness.  When I am in this state, I more easily remember that it is the life’s lessons during my journey that enables me to grow, it is not about reaching a final destination. Learning to appreciate and enjoy the journey of life, generates satisfaction and fulfillment along the way. I too, like my clients, continue to address the blocks and barriers standing in the way of my achieving my goals. I know that I will achieve my goals to recreate a balanced life which is satisfying and fulfilling. As I grow myself to become a more patient person, I will reap the benefits and enhance my relations as a result of my personal growth. 

What blocks you from living aligned with your values and that which matters most to you in your heart? 
What are your top three non-working behavior patterns that you would desire to change? 
What stage of change are you in around each of those (note, it can be different for each one or the same).? 
What would it take for you to hire a coach to help you move through change towards permanent and lasting life satisfaction? 

Email me at Karen@TrueFormCoaching.com 
I’d love to hear your answers. 

Karen